fuck it i dont believe in object permanence anymore. If i dont see it its gone
Bruh that’s just ADHD.
Anonymous asked:
Force Translator Cody au
Hes still as force sensitive as a brick but hes been around so many jedi, Specifically Obi-wan "i have a bad feeling" Kenobi that he just, figures out what the Force is tryin to say with his cool collected strategic slut mind on his own
In short, Cody voice: the Force works in misterious ways to YOU, i get it tho
now here i am, thinking about the force talking to cody’s cool collected strategic slut mind like it’s the australien sea turtle in finding nemo
cody’s not force-sensitive. like NOT AT ALL,not even one (1) midichlorian per million. zip nada nothing
he just meditates with obi-wan on a regular basis and ends up absorbing some force radiation that basically makes him a radio station that can tune into the force’s daily commentary
it all starts on a mission where cody and obi-wan enter a really creepy cave and it’s just really creepy and dark and suddenly there’s this off-voice telling cody that the vibes are rancid
obi-wan then proceeds to say that the vibes feel rancid
and cody just looks at obi-wan like ??? uhm hello what the fuck and obi-wan doesn’t have a single idea why his commander suddenly looks like a confused pineapple
meanwhile the force is going feral because this funky little commander apparently has the right receiving frequency to hear its ramblings while all the jedi in fact do NOT
everyone only feels the force. no one ever talks to the force. the force is bored. so of course it doesn’t intend to leave cody alone e v e r
obi-wan, to cody, smiling: remember, the force will be with you. always
cody, who already listened to the force rambling about the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise for the past two hours, eye twitching:
anakin looks all mysterious and knowing while saying that there’s a disturbance in the force and cody just stands right next to him, hearing the high-pitched fire siren-like screaming of the force in the background while trying to look like his eardrum didn’t just get perforated
whenever cody notices that obi-wan and the other jedi aren’t sleeping well because of some weird force shit, cody asks the force to keep it down for a while so that they can at least rest for a couple of hours. obi-wan is confused about the amount of sleep he gets all of the sudden
anakin wakes up and says he just had a vision. cody asks the force if anakin, in fact, just had a vision. the force says no
ahsoka, after something very weird happened: the force works in mysterious ways
the force, to cody, very disturbed: that wasn’t me
everyone basically talks about the force as this ancient powerful energy field in a very earnest and serious way while cody passes the senate building and hears the force calling palpatine a nasty little apricot
That witch hasn’t said a single word but im calling it now - Himbo.
Also yes move in together, platonically or romantically doesn’t matter, I’d watch the hell out of that wlw mlm solidarity fantasy sitcom anyway.
A fair maiden knocks on the goth lady’s door and says she’s here to find love.
The goth sighs, points across the road and says, “Witch is over there. He doesn’t do love potions because consent but he might be able to make you prettier, although 90% of the time it turns out the spell didn’t do anything but make you more confident.”
The maiden blushes and sheepishly explains that she knows he’s the witch, she just talked to him and he sent her over here.
Goth looks over her shoulder to see the himbo witch standing outside his house giving her a grin and a double thumbs up.
A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
I LOVE THIS
Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.
Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.
Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.
“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”
Being able to sleep in almost any situation or position
Irresistible urge to chase squirrels and rabbits
Hating the vacuum cleaner
Wanting to do everything with friends
Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door
Long, shouted conversations to other werewolves across the neighborhood (bonus points at 2am)
Taking advantage of any and all free food
Werewolf-vampire solidarity
Fighting any animal that trespasses into the backyard
Boundless energy
Too much energy
Eating out of the trash if it smells tasty
Being bad at sports because you don’t want to let anyone else take the ball from you. Then destroying the ball in front of everyone because you want to make a point
Trying to fight things 10x your size like a fucking idiot
Being unable to hold a grudge for more than a few hours
Trying to make people feel bad for you over mundane things that aren’t actually that bad. And somehow succeeding.
Snoring
Needing to try a bit of your friends’ food, even if you’ve tried it 5645674 times before and have never once liked it
Getting way too friendly with random strangers
Being in a love-hate relationship with water
Digging. For no reason.
Thinking you’re a badass despite being a hyperactive ball of emotions and hedonism
Loud sobbing while pressing yourself up against the sliding glass door at your friends who locked you out because they were tired of your bullshit and wanted some goddamn peace and quiet
Okay this one is a gem:
“
Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door
“
So most of these are very dog oriented, which makes sense to me, since dogs are just wolves that have co-evolved with us for thousands and thousands of years BUT I wanted to add a few that are wild wolf based:
Multigenerational households!
Kids get really excited when someone comes home with groceries
“I can HELP put away the food!” “Oh, and have you whisk away the ice cream like last week? I’m fine, dear.”
Love to travel and follow food trends
Mostly very social and must have roommates/family/significant other/kids/friends around
However, not uncommon to travel alone for periods of time, especially after leaving home
Big friendly communal meals with lots of ritual around who gets served in what order
“Let grandma take her pick of the turkey first. It’s respectful, and she won’t take kindly to you cutting the line.”
Full pantries, stocking up on basics, the kind of people who always have extra oatmeal, or batteries, or a jump cable
Can hold conversations using body language and eye contact without saying a word
Cuddlers, especially with the social group
Yelling to get everyone to gather, and phone chains for anyone who lives further away
Lots of singing, the pack has a bunch of favorite songs that everyone knows by heart, and some may be song writers
“Can you smell this? Does this smell weird? Does this smell good?”
Lots of candles and incense with unusual scents
Passing houses and farms and land down through generations
Love home renovation
Communal child care and sometimes communal nursing
Kids are all really into wrestling and being outside
When someone is ready to leave the household, the younger they leave the further they tend to travel. Someone who leaves at 18 might go to another country, but someone who leaves at 26 might just move a town away.
Whether someone moves far or close to home, it’s not unusual to move back in at home a few times before settling down
“You know the futon is always open for you. Your cousins are in your old bedroom, but you’re always welcome!”
Kinda grumpy about neighbors pushing property boundaries
“Why do they have to let the damn mulberry tree hang over OUR driveway?”
Good endurance runners
Late walks at night, naps in the middle of the day
Really playful, especially with kids
Lots of rough housing and board game nights!
I’ve been looking for the one with the wolf-aspects added for a while and I found it again! Reblogging for A+ extra wolfy content!
i remember something from “Alien Bodies” (EDA) about how timelords can’t really get drunk (and therefore probably can’t get high), but fuck that. let’s play in the space for a bit. *drugs, smoking, alcohol cw*
first doctor: he pretends to discourage drugs and alcohol around humans but then goes to other planets and is like “this is the snorgal ham plant and it does unthinkable things to your mind and body” before swallowing it whole
second doctor: he’s a chatty drunk and a quiet smoker, he’s so chill that you think he might be dead until he randomly says something like “jamie? how many hats do you think i can wear at once???” in a distressed voice
third doctor: he’s done literally every single drug you can imagine for scientific purposes. this man has been crossfaded upside down and sideways. jon pertwee was out here lookin like this in the 70’s and he had a villa in Ibiza. bitch smokes weed.
fourth doctor: he doesn’t even need drugs, my mans is already sky high from the adrenaline rush of one eternal manic episode. he’s never been sober in his life.
fifth doctor: look, i love him, but he’d be a total dad about it. he’d say some dad catchphrase like “no, no, you know me - i stay on my toes, i stay sharp” and then swing a cricket bat and break a priceless vase
sixth doctor: you pass him the blunt and he laughs. “what, that’s all? no triglyceride tetrachrolonitrine 5? no Lady’s Nightgown? no double helix paper?” he pulls this monstrosity out of his pocket.
seventh doctor: he’s so fucking neurotic that you can’t even get him to sit down. he tries but then he sees something shiny and goes to investigate. it was a cyberman. he commits some war crimes.
eighth doctor: legally not allowed to have any kind of stimulant or depressant, per Liv’s orders. keep him away from the coffee and sweets. he hasn’t slept in four months, thirteen days, nine hours, forty-five minutes, seven… eight… nine seconds. yes, he’s counting.
shalka doctor: smokes HELLA kush, on god, but you already knew that.
war doctor AND ninth doctor: continues to smoke lethal amounts of weed and drink fruity cocktails to cope with specters of the past. jesus christ, that’s his fifth strawberry daiquiri in twelve minutes. someone hide the white rum.
tenth doctor: he has girls’ nights with donna where they hotbox venusian saunas and listen to katy perry. don’t let the existential dread set in. don’t let it set in. let’s do some karaoke.
eleventh doctor:
twelfth doctor: you know, i’ve seen all of his episodes many times, and for the entire duration of his run, i never saw him stop vaping weed. must be the respiratory bypass. he’s always spewing thick clouds and flipping everyone off with both hands. it’s an interesting cinematic choice.
thirteenth doctor: her tardis literally looks like the inside of a disco ball and you think she’s sober??? well, you’d be right, because she doesn’t know how to find a dealer and she’s too scared to ask. someone help her.
please please tell me which one you’d pick, i genuinely want to know. i think that every single Doctor is a disaster and smoking with any of them would result in my immediate demise, but if i had to choose, it would probably be twelve. let’s go out blazing.
Consider. A human wakes up in a strange medical bay, with an alien doctor standing over them. Turns out their shuttle crashed, and the alien ship only just managed to teleport the, on board in time.
By some miracle, the doctor explains, they escaped with only minor injuries. Some burns, a few scratches and “several small wounds. We’re not sure what caused them.”
“Wounds?”
“Small holes in your ear lobes. Possibly they were old wounds and unrelated to the accident, but either way, our doctors were able to heal them for you. There’s not even any scarring.”
The human pauses. Thinks for a minute. “Wait… you unpierced my ears?!”
I wish i had a context for this. But I really dont.
I was all ready to “um, actually” this, but, um, actually there’s about 3-4 grams of iron in a person, which x400 is 1.2-1.6kg, which is a smallish but not unreasonable sword. So. Math checks out.
How would you extract the iron, though? The more practical solution would be to kill a mere hundred men, then mix 1 part blood with 3 parts standard molten iron, imo. Cheaper and faster, while still retaining the edge that only evil magic can give you.
Or, you could just make the sword of iron, and then use the blood to temper the blade.
1.2 to 1.6 kilograms is a perfectly reasonable large sword. Your average longsword was 1.1–1.8 kg and I don’t even remember if that’s including the weight of the hilt, guard, and pommel or just the blade. Your more classic “knight sword” was a mere 1.1 kilograms on average; the blood of 400 men is more than enough.
This is using the comparatively crappy metallurgy of medieval Europe and their meh iron swords. Move east to, say, contemporary Iran and make a scimitar using high carbon steel (~2%) for a .75 kilogram blade and you only need the blood of about 225 men.
So putting my thoughts in on this… because how could I not.
So you’ve exsanguinated your 400 guys to get the iron for your sword. Cool. But now you have 400 bodies lying around.
Why not put those to good use and cremate them. Use the carbon from those 400 bodies (you won’t need all of them) and now you can make a nice mid-high carbon steel sword.
Now you have a sword forged with the blood of your enemies AND strengthened with their bones.
“high fantasy math” - the tag I should have expected to write some day.
